Written by Taylor-Jane Cox, Senior Clinical Psychologist

One of the most common questions I hear from my clients is:

“Why do I have these thoughts?”

Often this followed by:

“Why are they so disturbing, or gross, or inappropriate?”

Or even:

“What kind of person thinks this?”

The truth is, you’re not alone in wondering. If you’ve ever felt shocked, horrified, or disgusted by your own mind, I want you to know that intrusive thoughts are incredibly common. Every single one of us has strange or unsettling thoughts from time to time. Intrusive thoughts are human.

But what makes intrusive thoughts so difficult, especially for those with OCD, is that their intrusive thoughts don’t just pass through the mind. They get stuck. And the more they try to push them away or figure them out, the more power they seem to gain. Let’s talk about what intrusive thoughts really are, why they feel so intense, and most importantly and why they say nothing about who you are as a person.

Intrusive Thoughts: What Are They?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your mind and cause distress. They often feel disturbing or completely out of line with your character – which is exactly why they can be so frightening. Here’s the key: intrusive thoughts clash with your values. And that’s what makes them so painful.

Let’s say, you’re someone who deeply values your family, having a sudden thought about harming someone you love can feel unbearable. Not because it means you’re a danger, but because that thought violates what matters most to you. It’s the sharp contrast that makes it feel so intense. In the psychology world, we call this ego-dystonic thinking, which when a thought or impulse goes against your sense of self or your core values.

And OCD knows exactly what buttons to press to get you to listen and pay attention.

Why Do These Thoughts Feel So Real?

OCD is often described as a disorder of doubt, but it goes deeper than that. It’s like an opportunist; it latches onto what matters most to you. That’s why the thoughts can feel so loud, urgent, and wrong. If you didn’t care about your child, your partner, your pet, your faith, or your moral compass, the thought wouldn’t register. But because you do care, your brain rings the alarm bell. Loudly. And what do we do when something feels dangerous or upsetting? We try to get rid of it.

You might try to push the thought away, distract yourself, analyze it to death, seek reassurance, or avoid the thing that triggered it altogether. These are all totally understandable ways of coping. But here’s the catch, they don’t actually make the thought go away. They keep they cycle going.

The Thought Suppression Trap

Maybe you’ve heard of the “pink elephant” experiment, the idea that if you’re told not to think of a pink elephant, that’s all you’ll be able to think about. That same mechanism happens with intrusive thoughts. The more you try not to think about something, the stronger it comes back. Research actually backs this up: trying to suppress thoughts tends to make them rebound harder (Wegner, 1994).

That’s part of what keeps the OCD cycle spinning. You have a thought that feels wrong, you react with fear or shame, and then you do something (a compulsion) to try and feel better. But that “something” only reinforces the idea that the thought was dangerous in the first place. I describe this like a torture loop:

Thought → Anxiety → Compulsion → Temporary relief → More thoughts

Over time, this loop becomes exhausting, confusing, and isolating.

Real-Life Examples of Intrusive Thoughts

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Research shows that 60 to 90% of people with OCD experience intrusive thoughts involving harm, taboo topics, or disturbing scenarios (Purdon & Clark, 1999; Abramowitz et al., 2014).

These thoughts can show up in all kinds of ways such as:

• A new mother who adores her baby suddenly imagines dropping them down the stairs
• A loving partner starts to question whether they truly love their significant other
• A peaceful person has violent images pop into their mind for no reason of stabbing their pet dog
• A careful driver who has an intrusive thought that they hit someone with their car on the way to work
• A trusted nurse who has worries they will purposely give their patient an overdose of medication
• A teacher who fears they molested a student in the past and has just blocked it out

The specifics might differ, but the common thread is this: the thoughts feel terrifying because they mean something to you. OCD targets the exact things that matter most.

So, How Do You Get Unstuck?

The first step is understanding what’s happening and knowing that these thoughts are not a reflection of who you are.

And the second step? Stop fighting the thoughts. I know how counterintuitive that sounds. I have this conversation everyday with my clients, I totally get how hard it is. But resisting, avoiding, and overanalyzing intrusive thoughts only teaches your brain that they’re dangerous. When they’re not.

The most effective treatment for OCD, backed by decades of research- is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). This type of therapy helps you face intrusive thoughts and sit with the discomfort without engaging in compulsions. Over time, your brain learns: “Hey, maybe this isn’t so dangerous after all.”

Practical Starting Points

Even before starting ERP, there are small but powerful shifts you can begin today:

• Label the thought as OCD. Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try, “This is just OCD doing its thing.” Giving it a name can take away its mystery and power.
• Allow the thought to exist. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to believe it. But try letting it be there without reacting.
• Resist the urge to seek reassurance. Whether it’s from a loved one or through mental checking, try delaying the urge instead of giving into it right away.
• Focus on self-compassion. When OCD shows up, pause and notice the urge or thought without judging it. Instead of engaging with the content, validate the feeling: “This is feeling is really uncomfortable, it makes sense why I don’t like it. However, I’m doing my best right now.
• Reconnect with your values. Remind yourself: you’re having this thought because you care. Your values haven’t disappeared, OCD is just trying to convince you they have.
• Look at getting support from someone trained in ERP. Not all professionals understand OCD well. Make sure you’re working with someone who uses evidence-based approaches.

Final Thoughts

If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, please know, you are not broken. You are not your thoughts. And you are not alone. At our clinic, we work with people across the lifespan who have felt the same fear, confusion, and shame. We understand how exhausting OCD can, and we also know that recovery is possible. With the right tools and support, you can get unstuck. You can reclaim your values. And you can live a life that’s not dictated by OCD’s rules. If this resonates with you, reach out. We’re here to help.